By 'Saucy Sal'
DAVID AND THE LOCAL SHOP
David arrives at the shop but although he is the son of Tubbs & Edward, Tubbs treats him like any other stranger not recognising him as 'Local.' Worse still he wants to buy all the precious things and everything else in the shop. Tubbs does a quick calculation and charges seven and twelvety pounds. He asks her to put it all on his credit card and she starts piling everything on top of it. He tells her to look at the name on the card - "It's me Mum" he tells her. It takes a while to sink in.
BERNICE
Is out on the street selling stickers that say 'Bring back the slave trade.'
HARVEY & BEN DENTON
The twins want Ben to accompany them on their school trip but Aunty Val points out that Ben is a grown up (who does she think she's kidding?). Harvey tells Ben that he has to make amends for the "accident." Harvey puts on a pair of rubber gloves and asks Ben to follow him into the bathroom with the lubricant supplied by Aunty Val.
BARBARA & GEOFF
These two always seem to be together lately but this time under the pretence that Geoff is treating himself to a taxi ride into work. Its also a special day for Barbara as she is going to have her operation - snip! snip!
TUBBS & DAVID
David explains to his mum that he has been away at college in London - a word that brings some kind of recognition to her. She is actually wearing a t-shirt that says "My son went to London and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." In walks Edward and dismisses the notion that he has a son especially the kind who is not 'Local.' Then David drops a bombshell the size of Russia when he tells mum and dad that he has set up his own construction business which is responsible for the dreaded 'New Road.' He tells his dad its called Progress (strange name for a construction business). Tubbs is then invited to spend a weekend in London with David - its the highlight of her career (Not if Edward has any say in the matter though). David arranges to pick her up later when she has had time to pack her bags.
PAULINE, MICKEY & ROSS
Its come to the end of the restart course and Pauline has invented a new game called 'shop a scrounger.' Mickey has bought her a present because he thinks he likes her. A pen - what else? He gives her a cuddle too which brings a smile to her groins. Ross also has a surprise for her - she is suspended from her job as Restart Officer pending further investigations - not in the same league as Mickeys surprise you cruel sod Ross!! She is shocked to find that Ross works for the Social Security - Internal Investigations Department. Mickey looks at him as if he's gone mad and points out that he needn't have been there if he had a job. Ross then plays a tape of Paulines verbal abuse reminding her that was her workshop on self-esteem. Ross tells her that he will personally see to it that she never works in the Employment Service again, then asks for her pens back - Pauline's pens! Everyone leaves even poor Mickey.
DR CHINNERY
Back at Mr Tinsel's farm (What!!?) to deliver a calf infront of a class of 5 year olds. Monica the cow is the star of the show and has been in labour for 12 hours. All he has to do is put his hand inside Monica, attach a rope to the hooves and out will pop a baby cow-what could be more simple? - (Dr Chinnery maybe!). The children all tell him that he has put his hand into the wrong passage but he is the expert isn't he??? He asks for a volunteer to help him pull the calf out - suddenly there's a big splash and all the cows intestine and internal organs are splattered all over the floor. He tells the children it's just the birth sack. Farmer Tinsel comes in to be told there have been one or two complications. The cow collapses and dies - is it just being a silly cow?
BARBARA
Is lead down the hospital corridor in a badly fitting gown (as if there's another type) on a trip to the toilet. She decides to use the gents to do it one last time standing up.
BERNICE
Is giving a sermon to a less than packed audience about the disabled. She is quick to point out that the bible does not say they have to have so many parking spaces at the supermarket. She is only annoyed because she had to use one of these spaces for a few minutes one day and when she returned to her car found she has been clamped (oooh painful)!. She also thinks its a liberty that their toilets are massive too.
DAVID & EDWARD
David drives back towards the shop to pick up Tubbs for their weekend in London. He has to stop suddenly when a strange object seems to be blocking the road - it's ok its only Edward who says "We need to talk."
GEOFF, MIKE & BRIAN
It's Geoffs Birthday and the three friends are in the pub. Mike and Brian are chatting away leaving poor Geoff feeling left out and he is convinced they have forgotten it his special day. He asks them if they could talk about something else other than work as its very boring, but also gets the news in that its his birthday. They pretend they didn't know but have in fact planned a surprise party. Geoff gives out some party hats and gives a speech on how mad he can be at times but assures them that things will change. He then goes off to the toilet leaving the others free to let all the other surprise guests in. They spot a card on the table and laugh about Geoff bringing his own party hats and now his own birthday card (or so they think). Mike reads the note and realises it is a suicide letter mentioning he had the gun. Just as he has read it to Brian they hear a shot being fired in the gents.
THE DENTONS
Harvey is giving Ben a lesson in cleaning all the brushes because obviously a dirty brush is a useless brush. Aunty Val provides encouragement telling him how well he is doing. The implements he is using to clean the brushes need cleaning too. Ben loses his temper asking if any of it matters. What if he hangs the black scissors on the blue hook? What happens if he uses a white towel to dry his hands? Harvey & Val look on in total horror - well you would wouldn't you? All the Dentons were trying to do was create harmony for themselves like the simplicity of a toad's life. Ben then looks ashamed and is sorry. Aunty Val then says they would like to give him something before he leaves. She hands him a huge roll of paper which is an itemised bill of expenses incurred during his stay.
GEOFF'S SUICIDE
Mike and Cheryl run into the gents toilet only to find Geoff on the floor in a pool of blood. An ambulance is called but before it arrives they find out that the shooting has all been a very sick joke and Geoff thinks he has had the last laugh - plonker!
TUBBS WAITING TO GO TO LONDON
She tells Edward she is leaving him because she hates both the town and the shop. She then tells him all the plans she has made for her trip to London. Edward warns her not to trust David after all he's not Local. She then says goodbye to Edward and tells him she loves him. She takes one of the precious things with her before leaving the shop. Outside she sees David but something is wrong he looks like a zombie and has been converted into a 'Local.' He tells her he has changed his mind and goes back into the shop with Edward who summons Tubbs inside.
BARBARA
Is wheeled down the hospital corridor on a trolley. The nurse assures her that the anaesthetic will soon kick in. Babs says that the surgeon doing her operation is supposed to be one of the best in the country. The nurse agrees but comments that "It's a shame he had that skiing accident." She then tells Babs that it's ok because the replacement is just as capable. As Babs is going under she sees that the replacement is none other than Dr Chinnery - Lets hope it's only furry animals who meet a sad end- God help Babs then eh!!!
BEN
Walks for miles and then meets Tubbs sat outside on her own. He asks if she knows where there's a shop as he is starving and desperate to get away that night. She just replies "Yes come with me." He notices her hiking boots and comments that his friend has a pair just like them. Will he survive his trip to the Local Shop? Who Knows? You will have to watch series 2 to find out!
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